Living in Season: Spring

Happy Spring!  Here are the fruits and vegetables that are in season.

Things you should look for at the thrift store:

Fourth of July decorations - especially because these are usually hopelessly dorky, so you will need to look long and hard to find some that don't suck.

Awesome winter clothes - swim against the tide, Fruglistas.  Everyone else will have their heads turned by sun dresses, and you can score!

Beach toys and towels

Camping gear - if you're into that sort of thing

Dishes you can use outside - metal or plastic tableware that won't break but isn't disposable.

Things to give some thought to:

1.  The Fall holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Decorative Gourd Season.  Where are you spending them?  If you're hosting, start looking for cool stuff for your table and guest room.  For extra credit, you might want to start a tear-sheet file of recipes, decorating ideas, etc.

2.  Getting a pedicure.  Or giving yourself one. Just don't show us your corn cob heels and yellowed naked toenails.  Unless you want to.  But everyone will gag.  You've been warned.

3.  Cleaning your ceiling fans.  Since they will soon be pressed into service, dust those suckers off.  You could probably fill a compost bin with all the nasty dust currently resting on The Frugal Hostess's fan blades.  Take a sheet and spread it over any beds or other furniture under the fan.  Using a fuzzy duster, rags, or socks on your hands, rub that grody dirt frosting away, letting it land on the sheet.  When you're done, wrap the sheet up, shake it off outside, and move on to the next room.

What else would you add to the "things to do in Spring" list?

photo by taberandrew

The Frugal Hostess has Spring fever. Please comment. You can also join the Frugalistas on Facebook for exclusive content, follow on Twitter @frugalhostess, or subscribe so that you always know when a new post appears.

Sustainable Table is a Cool Site

This website about eating sustainably is awesome! Check it out. Then click below and step inside the Meatrix! [Bwah-ha-ha-ha]

The Frugal Hostess loves you.  A lot. 

Emergency Rationing

The Frugal Hostess has a friend, Ghostwriter, who has recently experienced a major change in her domestic situation which has resulted in the DPs - that shaking of the hands, not unlike the DTs, when one confronts the very real possibility of Debtors' Prison in one's future.  Because FruHo experienced a similar bout of the DPs last May, and continues to feel the aftershocks to this day, she felt it best to make a list of the money-saving steps anyone can take to soothe their own DPs.

1.  Use your last three months' worth of bills, bank statements, and credit card to come up with a monthly average for each expense.  If you spent $50 on PBR in January, $40 on PBR in February, and $30 on PBR in March, then your average monthly PBR expense is $40.  Write all of that down on a list. All of it.

2.  Add up everything on your list.  Divide the amount of money you have in savings and/or can reasonably expect to have rolling in by the total.  At this point, you will probably note that you cannot afford to continue your current lifestyle, at least until your book deal/TV show/monkey sky-diving business comes through/takes off.  It's OK to cry a little at this point, but then you have to stop.

3.  Next, go through your list of expenses, and cross off any that are not necessities.  That includes watching cable, eating out, going to bars, buying clothes, buying books, buying housewares, or really buying anything at all except food.  Yes, dead serious.  Do it.

What remains are your "fixed" expenses - bills, groceries, etc.  Except, TFH thinks these expenses can also be fixed.  As in, made lower.  As follows:

- See how many days you can go without turning on the heat/AC.  When you must, don't put the heat above 64, and don't put the AC below 74.  When you leave the house or go to bed, make it appropriately colder/hotter.  You will get used to it, The Frugal Hostess assures you.

- Follow the sun around your house so you can avoid turning on the lights.  Change your lightbulbs to CFLs, even if the incandescent bulbs are still burning.  (The amount you save over time with the CFLs far exceeds the waste of a few days worth of traditional bulb).  Once you've made the switch, don't turn on the lights.  Also, unplug every appliance that you aren't using  - toaster, espresso machine, cell phone charger, etc.  Hang your clothes to dry (or, as many as will fit in the shower if you don't have a line).

- Wash and reuse plastic bags and aluminum foil.  Bonus points if you mutter unintelligible things like, "In my day..." or "See here, sonny."  Never buy another paper towel; use tee-shirt rags instead.  Don't buy anything except white vinegar for cleaning. Use any wretched plastic grocery bags you have for trash and cat litter disposal.  Under no circumstances should the word "disposable" be found on anything in your grocery cart.

- Only meet clients and business contacts for coffee (never lunch or, heaven forbid, drinks).  Or have them to your house for coffee, if you're close enough.  Email presentations in advance of meetings and only bring one printed copy.  Keep a box under your desk for paper that has only been printed on one side.  Take every free pen you are offered, ditto with post-its, etc.  Never throw away a paper clip.

- Call every company you deal with, from car insurance to wifi, and ask for a better deal.  You have to do this, even if you are embarrassed.  It will work on some of them.  Go through all of your junk drawers and handbags and put every gift card or 20% offer you have in one place, hopefully close to your keys.  Get in the habit of checking that place every time you leave the house, so you don't spend money when you don't have to.

- Stop buying any prepared foods, frozen meals, or individually portioned items.  Stay away from convenience items like pre-shredded cheese or baby carrots.  For about $3, you can buy a bag each of rice, barley, split peas, and lentils.  Do so.  (But do not buy cheap meat.  Just don't eat meat if you can't afford decent, humane meat.)

- Read one of FruHo's favorite blogs, Save Money You Cheapskate.  You'll laugh, you'll cry from laughing, and you'll laugh again.

OK, what did The Frugal Hostess miss?  What else can Ghostwriter do to save money until her DPs subside?

Photo by WordRidden

The Frugal Hostess has to go unplug some stuff.  While she's gone, it would be great if you would subscribe to this blog, either in your reader or via email.  Don't know what that means?  No problem - leave a comment for personalized instructions. 

What Do You Want, Man?

What if this were a real, grown-up, professional website?  Like, what if you came here once a week or so to get the latest news -- err, the latest news? More like the most recent nonsense. -- what would you want to see?  Categories?  More frequent posts?  Less frequent posts?  Dancing girls and boys? 

Obviously, this site isn't ever going to carry the up-to-the-minute dispatch of plastic plates or chemical concoctions for parties, but if you could make it the most useful it could ever be, what would this site include?  (For me, the anonymous typist of this post, the answer would be categories like recipes, crafts, gift ideas, etc., but what do I know?  I might also dig some video and download-able templates, recipe cards, etc.)

Anywho, put your thoughts in the comments.  The Frugal Hostess wants this shizz-nit to be all it can be, so, you know, your input is invaluable.  Love ya.

The Frugal Hostess is not joining the Army in May.  Because, God bless the soldiers here, there, and everywhere, all our wars are BS wars lacking morality.  Please comment. You can also join the Frugalistas on Facebook for exclusive content, follow on Twitter @frugalhostess, or subscribe so that you always know when a new post appears.

Frugal Cleaning in the Laundry

Is it weird that The Frugal Hostess digs doing laundry?  As household chores go, it’s one of her favorites.  She’s given this some thought and thinks there are two things that separate laundry from other household chores.

First of all, you’re cleaning and moving the household forward, but you’re doing it with your stuff – your tee-shirts, your Pink Panther socks (What?  You don’t have Pink Panther socks?).  So rather than cleaning up the detritus of a whole bunch of people’s dead skin cells a la dusting, you are actually doing something that benefits you directly and measurably.

Second, there is an end to laundry.  Listen, Jon and Kate Plus Eight or whatever you are now, TFH totally gets that laundry is a recurring project like all other cleaning, and that, especially in your palace of dysfunction, it feels like laundry never ends.  But there is an end to a load of laundry – you wash it, dry it, fold it, and put it away.  Whereas a coffee table is never really clean, and dust or fingerprints appear mere moments after you think you finished cleaning.  Laundry has a satisfying cycle of beginning and end and, while it may happen time and again, each time that satisfaction is there.

Seriously, who knew The Frugal Hostess could write a dissertation about laundry?

Here are FruHo's tips for making laundry cheaper, easier, and less annoying.

Pick one day a week as laundry day.  That doesn’t have to be the day you finish the laundry, but it’s the day that you call last call, sort it all out, call last call for real, and start washing.  If you do laundry every day, then you're doing laundry every day, and that sucks.

Start with the pile of whites first, then work your way up to darks.  If you wash loads from lightest to darkest, you avoid any dye bleeding from one load to the next.  Also, beware the false frugality of stuffing a few black socks in with your load of tighty whities.  The money you save with fewer loads is quickly spent replacing your tighty gray-ies.

At The Frugal Homestead, clothes go into one of four piles: whites, mediums, darks, and delicates.  Don’t stress yourself out about keeping all the green clothes separate from the blue ones.  And, don’t wash less than a full load.  If you only have three dark items this week, save them until next time.

Borax is a natural brightener, and it’s not as dangerous to living things as bleach.  It brightens whites and can be used in a multitude of ways around the house (like, as an abrasive in the shower).  It's also cheap.

For delicates and dry clean items, FruHo pretty much always risks it in her washing machine.  Now, it is a very new front-loader with both delicate and handwash settings, so maybe the risk is lessened.  And, as you've heard before here, the Champion King of All Laundry Soap, Charlie's Soap, is as mild and gentle as a lover's caress (eww). 

Items that have been washed with Charlie's Soap in the washer: cashmere and merino sweaters, antique linen napkins, a pants suit (low risk as it was bought on a HUGE sale for, like, 40 cents), nylon travel bags, slacks (TFH doesn't really say that word), blouses (ditto for that), most tights, and a raw silk comforter. 

Items that FruHo won't risk anywhere but the sink: bras and other, ahem, foundational items; fish nets and other patterned tights.  That's it.

And, yes, this is totally a commercial for Charlie's Soap.  They just don't know about it.  But if you decide to buy some, use that link, and TFH will get some cash money.

A final tip: if you want to, you can just go through the laundry basket and smell everything.  If it doesn't smell dirty, it may have experienced the not infrequent phenomenon known as Laundry Resurrection, wherein dirty clothes become clean again by spending a few days in the hamper.

Photo by Prakhar

The Frugal Hostess gets lonely. Please comment. You can also join the Frugalistas on Facebook for exclusive content, follow on Twitter @frugalhostess, or subscribe so that you always know when a new post appears.

FruTV

Act One | The Request

Moving Picture Man: Hey, FruHo!  I was recently hit over the head with an anvil.  Wanna film a TV show based on your blog and pitch it to TV networks?

The Frugal Hostess: Hell to the yes, MPM!  When do we start?

MPM: How does next week strike you?

TFH: Sure, I'm in!  Someone get me another anvil. 

Act Two | The Preparation 

Interior shot of house.  Close-up on hard wood floors.  From the left, a fuzzy image rolls into frame.  As the camera focuses, we see that it is a dreaded Dog Hair Tumbleweed.  An ominous mood takes hold, and we are left to wonder if the Dog Hair Tumbleweed can be vanquished.
~
Close up on dingy gray fuzzy slippers.  The camera slowly pans upward, and we see The Frugal Hostess place some seemingly disparate items onto a blond wood tray.  She shuffles over to the counter, and we watch as she pulls the leaves off of flower stems.  Then, with a jarring suddenness, a large Dog Hair Tumbleweed enters the shot.
~
The camera is centered on a white pasta bowl, into which some whole wheat noodles are being placed.  Slowly, mushrooms and kale begin to dot the surface of the pasta.  We overhear one side of a phone conversation.


TFH: Well, I'm doing a vegan cleanse to prepare for filming.  No, no beer or wine either.  [pause] Yes, that's right, just vegetables and grain.  It's actually not that bad.  You sort of stop focusing on food as anything but fuel.

The Dog Hair Tumbleweed nods in agreement.

Act Three | The Production

Moving Picture Man: Uh, where am I?  Why is all my camera equipment here, FruHo?  And man, why does my head hurt so bad?

The Frugal Hostess: Ummm.

Act Four | The Aftermath

Interior shot of house.  Close-up on hard wood floors.  From the left, a fuzzy image rolls into frame.  As the camera focuses, we see that it is The Frugal Hostess, sprawled on the kitchen floor.  In one hand, she holds a gnawed chicken leg; in the other, a 40 oz. bottle of Old English.

***

And that, Fair Reader, is how The Frugal Hostess wound up filming a demo for a possible TV show based on this blog.  Yes, this blog.  Seriously.  You can see some photos on the Facebook page.

The Frugal Hostess is having a meat-dairy-beer extravaganza, just to ensure she has the ever-endearing Carb Face on the next shoot.  Please comment.  You can also follow on Twitter @frugalhostess or subscribe so that you always know when a new post appears.

Cheap Entertaining: Potluck Oscar Party

Are you waiting on a check?  Are you having a tough year?  Are you a victim of the economy?  Are you having a cash flow issue?

Are you, if we're being honest here, straight-up, flat-ass, broke-as-a-joke poor? 

Of course you are!  So is The Frugal Hostess.  Like, way more than usual.  To the point that she can barely afford to complain about it.  FruHubs has put his foot down about hosting another party until the current deficit is corrected, and FruHo actually agrees (for a change).

But she's having an Oscar party anyway.  What?  It's not 1950!  TFH never promised to obey!

To keep the cost down, FruHo is asking her guests to bring a dish or drink inspired by the (453) movies nominated for Best Picture.  Decorations will be, well, spare (maybe she'll artfully arrange some DVD cases around the house?), and the entertainment is built in.  Cleaning is the only thing she will do, and we all know how thoroughly The Frugal Hostess tends to clean.

If you want to have a super cheap Oscar party, here are some ideas to help you out.

Pandora’s Bento Box (over-sized bento box filled with sushi), or blueberry pie?

Buffalo wings and pigs in a blanket

Nine kinds of candy?  Umm, chicken wings to symbolize that freaky alien arm the bad guy wanted to eat?  Better keep it simple and stick with some South African wine.

Bangers and mash.  Think about the double entendre possibilities.

Ice cream bombe.  Or bottle of champagne.

German beer and brats.

What’s the most depressing food you can eat?  Serve that with a painkiller and vodka cocktail garnished with a razor blade topped with a suicide note umbrella.

Knish, latkes?  Who knows - did anyone hear of this movie until this week?

Nitrous balloons?  Of course not, what a terrible idea.  Blowpops -- the hidden gum surprise looks like a balloon when you blow it.

Airline chicken, travel-sized portions, or a really expensive fruit and cheese platter with at least one rotten grape per person.

UPDATE: Here are some posts with really cool Oscar party ideas. The first, from the awe-inspiring Bakerella, features seven (that's right!) different Oscar-inspired sweets.  And the second, courtesy of the always festive Hostess with the Mostess, has a centerpiece idea that could be modified for a  birthday party or shower.

The Frugal Hostess will see you at the movies. Please comment. You can also join the Frugalistas on Facebook for exclusive content, follow on Twitter @frugalhostess, or subscribe so that you always know when a new post appears.