MIYM: Grenadine

Do you remember when you were little and went out to a special dinner with your family? The only thing that made it barely bearable was getting to drink a Shirley Temple filled with extra cherries by a server who was trying to keep you from throwing crushed cracker crumbs all over the floor. Shirley Temples are still the cocktail of choice for the toddler set, and The Frugal Hostess will admit to craving them every now and then (like, every time she is sick, or sad, or bored, or eating fried seafood - who knew?).

As we all know, The Frugal Hostess is also a fan of fully-leaded cocktails, especially old-fashioned ones that require muddling and steeping and other such nonsense. In her old age, TFH admits to a relatively new fondness for the much-maligned Girlie Drink - that sweet, easy-to-drink concoction that will kick your ass if you aren't careful. [This is in contrast to her former self, when TFH used to be a self-proclaimed drinking snob: gin and tonic in the summer, bourbon or rye and ginger ale in the winter, the end.] And, while The Frugal Husband prefers a straight-up gin martini with olives to just about anything (including TFH), he is ever so sweet and always on the look out for a new potion to mix up for his ungrateful wife.

It was during one such excursion into the lore of the Girlie Drink Slash Old Style Cocktail that The Frugal Husband discovered that grenadine is a frequent ingredient in his beloved's favorite style of libation. He dutifully proceeded to the liquor store to pick some up, and he found that every brand on the shelf listed as a main ingredient high fructose corn syrup. Now, there are ton of commercials the say HFCS is the same as sugar, blah blah blah, and, while that may be true (it's not), the dastardly sweetener is not welcome at The Frugal Homestead. So, Gentle Readers, The Frugal Husband did what any normal guy would do. He made some. From scratch. Which is unbelievably delicious. And also easy. Do it.

Ingredients
2 parts pomegranate juice
1 part sugar

Directions
1. Bring to a boil.
2. Reduce. Simmer until thickened to your taste.
3. Let cool. Refrigerate for quite some time.

The Frugal Husband is a way better cook than The Frugal Hostess. Luckily, TFH is a way better blogger than her husband, or this blog would be full of recipes for ribs, wings, and shots of Irish whiskey.

Photo by The Frugal Hostess

Cheap Parties

Not a very encouraging title, huh? And yet, many, many people don't entertain, even when they want to, because of the expense. If you've been here before, you know that The Frugal Hostess specializes in giving you ideas for parties that aren't too expensive. But you also know that these often involve making a bunch of stuff from scratch and working one's ass off. Worth it? Absolutely. Always necessary? Of course not. So, today we'll discuss ways to throw a cheap party without working like a pioneer wo/man on the Kansas prairie circa 1820.

Myth: Asking guests to bring something is tacky.

Fact: Of course it's not. They don't have to come if they are offended by the notion of being asked to bring something. The key is to be clever in your approach. Call your event the "We Can't Afford to Go Out" party, and start your email or written invitation like this:

We miss you. We love you. We're dying to see you. Unfortunately, we're also broke. Could you join us for our "We Can't Afford to Leave the Commune" party next Saturday? To help build the bar, please bring two limes and a bottle of vodka. We'll have food, ice, glasses, and the good times to share (and share alike).

[That sounds fun. The Frugal Hostess is thinking she ought to throw a party like that very soon. Hmmm....]

Myth: Go big or go home. Or, in entertaining terms, if you can't afford the best, don't bother.

Fact: Couldn't be further from the truth. Cliche as this may sound, entertaining should be, well, entertaining. It's about the fun you have with your guests and the love you show them by opening your home to them. Now, don't get her wrong, TFH is all for trying to cook something delicious, but even gross food can be entertaining on the ride home ("can you believe they served us muskrat pizzas?"). The point is, grilled cheese, tomato soup, and board games can be as fun as foie gras and opera. Actually, probably more fun, honestly. Do what you can.

Myth: You have to plan entertaining way in advance.

Fact: The Frugal Hostess has had more impromptu, planned-an-hour-before-they-started dinner parties than she's had formal ones. Gather your guests, drive to the store, and pick out your menu together (splitting the grocery tab). Cook something hearty and freeze-able like beans or chili, but invite the neighbors to eat rather than pack it all away for the winter. If the house is a mess, eat on the porch, or turn off all the lights and put out candles.

If you truly want to have a good time with your friends, this will shine through any dust, or burnt rice, or "please bring butter" you throw at your guests.

Cheap Party Ideas:
Potluck
Planned Potluck, where you tell everyone what to bring (but don't act like this)
Restaurant dinner, separate checks (but try to just split the bill rather than getting out a calculator; this makes TFH feel faint)
Wine tasting, where everyone brings a bottle
Co-hosting, or having several people host a party together
Bowling, movies, mini-golf, etc. where people pay their own way
Meet out at an event
Have one of those parties where you go to different houses for each course; what is that called???
Be straightforward with guests - hold a party and say you'll have some things but not everything, so they should bring something to contribute.

Leave your ideas for cheap parties in the comments.

Photo by oddsock.

Thirsty Thursday: Things to Do with Club Soda

The Frugal Hostess loves a cocktail. Boy, does she. Same is true for beer and wine. She doesn’t remember much about her best cocktail experiences, so she’s quite certain they were lovely.

However, there are times when a ride on the wagon is most appropriate. Should you decide to take such a ride, TFH suggests club soda served a variety of ways: with a squeeze of fresh orange; several drops of homemade grenadine (coming soon to Make It Yourself Monday); ginger beer; or key lime juice. And should you be left with any club soda once you’re back on the sauce, you can use it up in one of the following ways.

Pancakes

Substitute club soda for the liquid called for in the recipe, and revel in the lightest and most fluffy pancakes you’ve ever had. (And you know how TFH feels about pancakes; The Frugal Husband makes his Famous Weekend Pancakes every weekend based on her non-stop whining.)

Plants

Use club soda to water your indoor and outdoor plants. The minerals are said to help them grow. (The word “said” is used here because TFH has no idea if this is true or not, based on her inability to keep a houseplant green, even if it were made from green plastic.)

Oysters

If you love oysters but find shucking them to be a near-impossible chore, try soaking them in club soda before you shuck. The oysters won't exactly jump out of their shells, but they will be much easier to open. (Untested theory, FYI. But TFH plans to get right on this as soon as an R shows up in the month.)

Jewels

Soak your diamonds, rubies, and emeralds in club soda to make them sparkle. Drop jewels in a glass of club soda, and let them sit overnight. (Skip this for pearls, darlings).

Photo by Rodrigo Paoletti

Poopy Diaper Invitation

Yesterday, The Frugal Hostess encouraged you to host a baby shower and gave you several ideas. Her favorite was obviously the Gross-Out Baby Shower, and, if you missed it, you better go back. Here are the directions for creating the sublime Poopy Diaper Invitation.

First, make a diaper template using a stupid old spreadsheet from work or some other scratch paper. TFH free-handed this one, because she's an edgy girl. If you'd like a template, email frugalhostess [at] gmail [dot] com.  UPDATE: templates and instructions are now available here.


Second, fold a piece of white card stock in half and cut off one inch. You are probably safer using a paper-cutter here for straightness, but don't over-value straightness. You know, with paper or with people....

Third, use your template to cut a diaper out of the newly trimmed white card stock. Trace with a pencil or just cut around the design.

Fourth, and this is an optional step, cut a contrasting color for the inside of the diaper. This just makes it look a little more cool when it's closed. The Frugal Hostess used buff, but you could do pink or blue, too.
Fifth, get your template back out and trace the front of the diaper on some brown card stock. This is to make sure that your insert can't be seen when the invitation is closed. TFH made two in case she screwed one up, which she totally did.

Sixth, cut out the shape you traced, then cut a curvy shape out of it to resemble, well, you know, poop. But lovely, clean, cartoon poop. TFH tried two different shapes, and the one with the most curves looked and worked much better. This needs to be done free-hand to match the way your diaper came out when you cut it, but you can email for a template if you want to risk it. Test the shape to make sure that you can't see it when you close the invitation.

Seventh, write out what you want the invitation to say (TFH suggests using the template you cut out of scratch paper, since the size is close), then write it on your shape using a white or silver pen.
Eighth, select something to use as the "diaper pin." The Frugal Hostess thought about cutting one out of gray or silver paper. She also looked at ribbon, wire, a safety pin, and this random piece of copper wire. But, in the end, a fancy-shaped paper clip won out because it looked the best.
And that, Gentle Readers, is how you cook up a Poopy Diaper Invitation....

Baby Showers

The Frugal Hostess loves babies. In fact, she considers herself something of a baby whisperer. She has hosted many a baby shower in her day, and now she’s going to help with yours.

First, some notes on etiquette. (What? You know TFH is old-fashioned. In some ways. Namely, the ways that don’t exclude frequent dropping of the f-bomb.) Please don’t host your own baby shower. That is so extra tacky and random that The Frugal Hostess is struck speechless. If you are hosting a shower for a friend or co-worker, please ask her who she’d like to invite. And, at the risk of stirring up some controversy, don’t hold a surprise shower for a pregnant lady. Who knows what this will cause….

Next, if you are the guest of honor, remember these rules. Get a gift for the hostess(es). Be understanding when she asks you to limit the guest count; she’s not made of money. Remember that your registry, like traffic signals in Italy, is a suggestion rather than a law – people can get you whatever they want, and they really don’t have to get you anything, so take whatever you get and like it. As a wise man once said, “You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.”

Finally, all parties must remember that the arrival of a new life into the world is a miraculous, beautiful thing. Marking the occasion should be joyful and fun, not another hash mark to add to the Great Scoreboard of Life. So what if the guest of honor will never get you a baby gift or throw you a reciprocal shower?

Now that the lecturing is over, on to the party. There are all kinds of wonderful themes for baby showers, and hosting one is fun because you can indulge your love of tiny socks or whatever without looking like a freak. Here are a few to think about:

Miniature Baby Shower: Serve miniature versions of the mom-to-be’s favorite foods, like sliders, soup in shot glasses, and cupcakes. Use dollhouse furniture for centerpieces, and send out invitations on miniature cards (you’ll have to tuck these into normal envelopes to mail, but whatevs.)

Library Baby Shower: The Frugal Hostess did this one for a pregnant book-lover. Send the invitations on cards made from children’s books, and ask guests to bring a favorite book to start the baby’s library. Stack old children’s books (bought for cheap at a thrift store) as centerpieces, running pieces of pastel ribbon through the pages and across the table. Place vases of flowers atop each stack. For games, have guests match characters up with book titles. And for your menu, serve items inspired by children’s books, like green eggs and ham. TFH held this party in the restaurant above a famous indie book store, but it’s just as cool at home.

Monochromatic Baby Shower: For some reason, The Frugal Hostess finds monochromatic color schemes extremely soothing. For example, her clothes are lined up in order of color, so that her closet is a fabric rainbow. Thus, the all-pink, all-blue, or, for those parents who want a surprise, the all-white baby shower. Pink showers could serve ham finger sandwiches, pink champagne and lemonade, cupcakes with pink frosting, watermelon, radicchio salad, and radishes with sea salt. Blue showers could do sliders with blue cheese, arugula and walnut salad with blueberry vinaigrette, blue corn tortilla chips and salsa, and stuffed Peruvian blue potatoes. White menu ideas would include a mashed potato bar, clam chowder, marshmallows (roast your own is fun), white bean dip with white tortilla chips, and white pizza. Obviously, the décor matches the color you pick. Think beyond flowers by using scarves, paper, or Christmas ornaments in the correct colors.

OK, OK, these are good ideas, but The Frugal Hostess has one more for you. This is especially good if you and most of the guests are single girls unlikely to want or have babies in the next year. And the guest of honor must be very cool and have a great sense of humor. Or you must secretly hate her. It is elegantly named The Gross-Out Baby Shower. Here’s what you do:

Invitations: Make folded diapers from white card stock. On the inside, cut brown paper to fit, and write the details in white or silver ink. (Pictures and detailed instructions for this coming soon. It’s harder to describe in words than it is to make.) UPDATE: Complete templates and instructions available here.

Food: Split pea soup served in glass containers or baby food jars; cocktail wienies in sauce; veggies and ranch dip; milk punch served in baby bottles; and chocolate mousse.

Games:

1. Diaper Sniffing – Get six real disposable diapers and six different candy bars. Unwrap candy, place in diapers, and microwave for 30-60 seconds (you want a slight melt, not full-on runny). Guests must sniff each diaper to guess which kind of candy bar is in it. So gross!

2. Baby Food Tasting – Get six or so jars of different flavors of baby food. This works best if two are yellow, two are green, etc. Pull off the labels or cover them with your own (you can cut up brown paper bags for this so they aren’t see-through). Each guest gets a tasting spoon and has to guess what flavor is contained in each jar. Yuck!

3. Pinata – Get a piñata in the shape of a baby. Fill it with brown and yellow candy. Just kidding, this is even too disgusting for The Gross-Out Baby Shower.

Sounds like fun! Stay tuned for instructions and pictures, and feel free to subscribe while you’re at it so you don’t miss a thing.

photos by freeparking, peasap, clevercupcakes, and Photo Mojo

Make It Yourself Monday: Crackers

One of TFH’s most favorite things to snack on is Cheez-Its. Yep, that’s right; she loves the neon-orange, distinctly non-gourmet squares of glory and could eat them every day. She also loves their cousins, Pepperidge Farms Goldfish, Cheese Nips, and, in small doses, Cheetos. This may all stem from her childhood, which was studded by occasional “snack dinners” comprised of cheese and crackers and other delicious little hors d’oeuvres. Cheese and crackers and hors d’ oeuvres dinners remain in TFH’s top five, and Cheez-Its are like a shortcut version of them.

The Frugal Hostess started her attempt to recreate her favorite snacks about three years ago, after she read “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle” by Barbara Kingsolver. For some reason, that book – which describes Kingsolver’s year-long experiment in eating locally – hit just the right note at just the right time. The Frugal Hostess and The Frugal Husband made major changes, and The Frugal Kitchen was transformed from ordinary to organic (and soon to the crazy local/organic/chemical-free/homemade extremism that precipitates Make It Yourself Monday). The struggle continues – there’s no way TFH is giving up bacon, for real – but major progress has been made.

So, TFH tried (still trying, BTW) to cut out corn chemicals, processed foods, and other icky-ness from her diet. But what to do about Cheez-its? And where does the cheese go without any crackers?

First, she tried a recipe that called itself a recipe for cheese crackers. The Frugal Hostess isn’t exactly sure where it came from – somewhere on the interwebs. These crackers are not exactly cheesy, nothing even remotely close to Cheez-Its, but still OK. The Frugal Hostess made a few modifications to the recipe and offers it below for your enjoyment.

Next, The Frugal Hostess tried the recipe in Karen Solomon’s “Jam It, Pickle It, Cure It.” Listen, TFH knows she talks about this book a lot, but it is awesome, and you should buy it. This recipe works with no modifications and produces delicious crackers that remind you of Saltines in flavor but are thicker, denser, and better. Solomon also offers some variations, including one with cheese, which are no doubt also good. But of course, TFH is stubborn and self-righteous, so she found it necessary to make an unsuggested modification.

So, finally, TFH substituted half the white flour in the recipe with whole wheat. In many recipes (including chocolate chip cookies and pizza dough), you can do this with no problem, and you just add nutritional value. The Frugal Hostess assumed this would be the case with these crackers. Well, you’ve heard the cliché about assuming – it makes your crackers taste like ass. Such was the case with this recipe modification. The resulting crackers had a decent flavor, but they were really dry and too crumbly. Kind of like crackers made of delicious dirt.

The Frugal Hostess continues her hunt for a Cheez-It alternative but offers this recipe as an option until such time as the real deal is found.

Ingredients

½ cup butter

1 ½ cup sifted white flour

½ teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

2 cups grated cheddar

Dash of cayenne pepper

¼ - ½ cup skim milk

Directions

1. Stir dry ingredients together in a bowl. If you’re using a stand mixer, just mix it together with that.

2. Cut in butter.

3. Blend in grated cheese.

4. Use the milk to wet the dough enough to stick together.

5. Shape into rolls, 1-2 inches in diameter.

6. Chill rolls for 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

7. Slice rolls into ¼ inch thick disks.

8. Bake on ungreased cookie sheet for 10 minutes.

9. Cool and store for as long as four weeks. Uncooked dough can be frozen for several months.

photo by doortoriver

Thirsty Thursday: Four Summer Drinks

The Frugal Hostess is in pain. She's been to the doctor and is taking medicine, but sometimes the only cure is a delicious beverage. While none of these drinks is particularly frugal, they are all unique and should ease your pain.

Arnold Palmeroski
Fill a tall glass with ice (crushed is good).
Add 2oz. iced tea flavored vodka.
Fill rest of glass with lemonade.
Garnish with thinly sliced lemon wheel and straw.

True Bloody Mary
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice.
Add 2oz. vodka.
Fill rest of shaker with Zing Zang Bloody Mary mix (TFH realizes this is totally cheap of her, but this mix is better than anything anyone ever makes from scratch. And, no kidding, there are maybe four things she would say that about).
Add several dashes of Tabasco.
Pour into a tall glass, and garnish with a jalapeno ring, pickled okra, and a piece of bacon (seriously, tastes awesome!).

Key Lime Cocktail
Fill shaker with ice and add 1oz key lime juice, 2oz vanilla vodka (or 1½oz vodka and ½oz vanilla), and a splash of half-and-half. Pour into a martini glass rimmed with crushed up graham crackers.

Fruit Cooler (non-alcoholic)
Mix together and pour over crushed ice 2oz pineapple juice, 2oz orange juice, and 2oz apple juice.
Slice two strawberries and float in drink. Variation: fill glass half full and fill remainder with club soda. Add a squeeze of lime. Another variation: freeze into popsicles.

Drink up!

photo by slushpup

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