Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Recent Scientific Discoveries from The Frugal Hostess

Tiny bug1.    The Frugal Hostess is surprisingly good at beer pong.  Which is to say, she doesn’t miss every time.  As someone who is the opposite of athletic (because, you know, beer pong is clearly a competitive sport requiring great athletic prowess), this is very satisfying.  She attributes it to a combination of being short and top-heavy, the physics* of which create the perfect throwing distance for the ball.  *This is not at all related to actual physics, with which The Frugal Hostess is completely unfamiliar.

2.    FruHo has a theory about evolution and obesity that is groundbreaking, but the mainstream scientific community scoffs at her measly BA in English Literature credentials.  Well, they would, given the chance.  But FruHo is no laughingstock, so she will instead entrust this nugget with you.  What if people, like every other animal on the planet, evolved to eat the types of foods that are native to their immediate surroundings?  That would explain why Inuits can eat whale blubber without porking up, or why the Mediterranean diet works in the Mediterranean.  So, what if our tendency to move around and eat strawberries at Christmas time and ship peaches from Ecuador has so confused our stupid animal bodies that we just keep getting fatter and fatter with no solution in sight?  You know this sounds right.

3.    There is a type of tiny little bug that only lives on the window sills of FruHo’s bathrooms during the summer months.  These bugs serve the purpose of reminding The Frugal Hostess to clean up their dead bodies, thus preventing summer’s natural cleaning malaise from completely taking over.  See?  Science!

4.    If you drink apple cider vinegar when you have heart burn, your heart burn will go away.

5.    If you do not eat mass quantities of cheese, bread, candy, and pork fat, you will not get heart burn.

6.    Hail is frightening.

This concludes Science Hour with The Frugal Hostess.



  1. If, on the other hand, you leave out the bread and candy and stick to cheese and pork fat -- mmm, cheese fried in pork fat -- you'll be happy.


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